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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28672047">such horrible things (exactly what it seems)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Flamingbluepanda/pseuds/Flamingbluepanda'>Flamingbluepanda</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Old Guard (Comics), The Old Guard (Movie 2020)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>5+1 Things, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Character Death, Feral Nicky | Nicolò di Genova, Insanity, M/M, Protectiveness, Reality Bending, Torture</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 05:22:06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,358</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28672047</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Flamingbluepanda/pseuds/Flamingbluepanda</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>five terrible things that never came to be, and one that did</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>103</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>such horrible things (exactly what it seems)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/beans_on_toast/gifts">beans_on_toast</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Dedicated to Beans.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>
    <em>+1; Drowning</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <span>Quynh barely remembers her name sometimes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She lays in her coffin, unable to move more than a few inches in any direction. Her hair and nails have grown long and she has a constant ache in her stomach from starvation. The taste of salt makes her ill. </span>
  <span>If she were alive long enough to be ill.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The pressure of water pressing her down down </span>
  <em>
    <span>down </span>
  </em>
  <span>means that even if the coffin rusted, she would never get it open. If she opened it she would drown before she made it to the surface. If she made it to the surface she would drown again and again until someone scooped her out of the sea.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’ll never happen. Not really.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Humans can survive three weeks without food, three days without water, and three minutes without air. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She drowns again and again and again.</span>
</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>5; Headshot</em>
  </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The brains of an immortal woman stain Copley’s carpet. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He stares at them every day, forces himself to sit in his dusty old study with his dusty old photos, and stare at the old stain. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He still gets reports from Merrick, every once in a while. Apparently, the young one, Nile, tried to break them out once, but the grief of losing one of their own got them caught again. She doesn’t talk anymore, Nile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Copley looks at his board, at the small subsection he made for Joe and Nicky, remembers their teasing on the plane. They haven’t spoken to one another in years. From his last report, Nicolo became rather feral, and Joe had to be tied down to keep from harming himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He doesn’t ask about Booker. Not anymore.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Every day Copley forces himself to stare at the stains. Every day he remembers the screams of a traitor as he realizes his sister wouldn’t rise again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The world doesn’t change, but neither does Copley. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The immortals in the lab scream and scream and scream and die and die and die. Forever and ever.</span>
</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>4; Split</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <span>Merrick is smart, he splits them up. He keeps moving them and moving them and moving them. Tracking two targets is hard, even with Copley’s help.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>By the time they find Joe and Nicky, they’ve lost their minds.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>In the beginning, after Quynh, the boys had claimed they would never be as strong as she was. Andy had quietly agreed, and she hated that she was proved right.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Nicky barely remembered to speak. He just </span>
  <em>
    <span>screamed </span>
  </em>
  <span>whenever someone touched him. He bit and scratched and fought every person he saw, like an animal, like a crusader. Sometimes, in his sleep, he howled for joe.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>In contrast, Joe was silent. He functioned only to try and kill himself. He was convinced he was alone, even with people in front of him. He didn’t know who they were, who Nicky was, who he was. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sometimes, Andy thought that somewhere in their brains they were still there, that maybe they’d claw their way out one day.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sometimes, Andy was glad she wouldn’t be stuck around to watch them struggle.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sometimes, Andy thinks they would’ve been better never getting out at all. </span>
</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>3; Knife</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <span>Blood spurts up from the first stab wound Merrick puts into Joe’s back. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nicky will remember this later because the blood </span>
  <em>
    <span>keeps spurting.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Nicky’s heart stops in his chest as the blood keeps spreading over Joe’s back, as Joe’s legs give out and blood spills from those gorgeous lips because </span>
  <em>
    <span>Merrick stabbed Joe in the lungs and now his body needs to get the blood out-</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>But no, that’s wrong, those wounds were small enough that they should heal, that it shouldn't be taking this long, that the creepy woman in the lab coat shouldn't be demanding to be </span>
  <em>
    <span>allowed to start CPR-</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nonsense,” Merrick said, “you’ll ruin the test results.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Test results. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As if Joe was an object. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As if Yusuf was worthless.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A roar fills Nicky’s ears, and he blinks and suddenly he’s freed his hands, and his hands are around Merrick's throat, and then Merrick is dead and Nicky uses him as a human shield so that he can kill every other person in the room. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>Once that’s done, he turns back to Joe, triumphant, ready to make some quip about if he’s ready to get out of here, about how Joe was snoozing on the job, about how he was admiring the view-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Only the words turn to ash in his mouth because Joe is still dead. </span>
  <span>He’s pale, beautiful golden skin gone waxy from blood loss and expressive eyes staring at nothing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nicky’s whole body trembles as it denies the reality its eyes are presenting. He sits on the ground with a gun and pulls Joe into his lap. </span>
  <span>He’ll hold this room until Joe wakes up. Once he’s healed, they’ll leave. </span>
  <span>When the others arrive, Nicky has killed every single person who entered the room including himself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Only he came back. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>Rigor Mortis had set in by the time they found him, but Nicky was still cradling Joe, singing in a hoarse voice that cracked from days of no food or water. He was still stroking his hair, still waiting. He didnt even notice them pull the decaying corpse of his husband out of his arms. He didn’t even notice that he was being led away. He was still waiting.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And that was all he did for the rest of his life. He waited for Yusuf to come back. </span>
</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>2; Duo</em>
  </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Booker, Booker, B</span>
  <em>
    <span>ooker-“</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Andy’s voice was trembling, disbelieving, and Nile remembered what she said earlier, about her being too </span>
  <em>
    <span>young </span>
  </em>
  <span>to die for real. She remembered Booker’s sad eyes when he said misery loves company-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And now, now Booker was dead.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And he wasn’t healing.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The fucked up part was, he was smiling a little.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The door blew open and men stormed in. Andy threw herself at one of them with a warrior’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>shriek. </span>
  </em>
  <span>It was full of fury and hurt, </span>
  <em>
    <span>fear</span>
  </em>
  <span> that all three of her family members were gone all at once. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nile didn’t even think, she just grabbed the nearest weapon she could see and started going at it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They actually were doing pretty well, a</span>
  <span>nd then there was a gunshot, and Andy let out a shriek of </span>
  <em>
    <span>pain. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Nile whirled around, heart in her throat. </span>
  <em>
    <span>No, no, no- </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Nile ran to her side, taking shots for her and staying on her feet. She didn’t care about anything else. She just needed to get Andy out of there. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She forgot about Booker, </span>
  <em>
    <span>and </span>
  </em>
  <span>Joe and Nicky. She loaded Andy in the car and drove.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She spent the next ten years caring for Andy, keeping them both hidden, until a particularly nasty strain of tuberculosis killed her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nile didn’t know what to do, so she ran, and she kept running.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She never went back for the boys.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She could only hope they found some modicum of peace. </span>
</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>1; Kill</em>
  </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When Joe woke up from his bullet wounds he was in a van, and he instinctively looked for Nicky.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Only someone shot him again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He woke, he looked, and again. And again and again and again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They were taken to separate labs. Joe kept dreaming about a new girl, only to despair when she ended up in a lab too. Joe kept trying to escape- they all did, he was sure. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He didn’t know that Booker never tried. He didn’t know that Andy died. He didn’t know that Nile eventually gave up. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Joe kept fighting and fighting and screaming and </span>
  <em>
    <span>dying </span>
  </em>
  <span>and eventually, even he had to admit he was never getting out of there.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They all die, in the end. When Joe hits that final moment, his final thought is that maybe, finally, he’ll open his eyes and see his family waiting for him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><hr/><p>
  <b>
    <em>(0; Reality</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <span>Nile saves her family, they take her in, they love Booker even through his exile, they celebrate Andy, they watch Joe and Nicky get married. It’s far from perfect, but it’s theirs.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>+2; Freedom</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <span>Quynh emerges from the sea. She takes a day to sit on the beach and breathe, then she rises and goes to find her family.)</span>
</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>shout at me on tumblr: www.flamingbluepanda.tumblr.com</p></blockquote></div></div>
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